The Graduate Baruchian

Oh the Places You Will Go With Google! Countless times I’ve gone on Google to look up a legit piece of information as my trusty source and I’ve trailed off into the black hole of the internet looking up silly videos or information, often forgetting what it was I was looking up in the first place. But it can be fun.

1. Google Homepage Logos

What better way to become well informed than through Google’s near daily random facts of history and events going on each day? Exactly. This includes the beloved Cookie Monster from Sesame Street featured on Google’s logo on November 4, 2009 celebrating the 40^th Anniversary of Sesame Street

A gallery of Google’s logos and information can be found here in case you’re interested: http://www.google.com/logos/index.html

But they’re getting better at it—like today’s logo celebrating Jules Verne’s 183^rd Birthday, it’s interactive! Try it out, it’s fun. If you’re like me, you look forward to another creative and artsy way to manipulate the word “Google” that has been morphed to represent something historical and informative.

  2. Instant Search—On

– My oh my, the places you will go through exploring the wonders of “Instant Search”. Now you can create your own ‘stream-of-consciousness’ like James Joyce’s Ulysses and trail off into the wonders of looking up useless and interesting facts and information that will more likely than not get you nowhere. But hey, who knew that your vagina can fall out over time? It’s true and I never would have known this or endless other random facts had I not clicked on links while I was in the middle of typing a group of words that had initially some meaning and sense. This also led to a bright and intelligent individual asking this on Yahoo! Answers: “Can your baby get pregnant if you have sex while pregnant? Like the baby is a girl, and you have sex and the sperm gooes to her while in the womb.” Oh yes, it’s true. OF COURSE THIS CAN HAPPEN! There are so many smart people out there I just don’t know what to do about it. Mind you this was copied and pasted right from the site in case you’re another interested individual as I was when I clicked on the link to see what brainless hooligan asked such a question, and caused me to lose a few precious brain cells in the process. Apparently there are more brainless people out there on Yahoo! Answers: “Can my baby get pregnant? I am pregnant with a baby girl. If I have sex can the sperm go up there and can she get pregnant too?” YES. Stupid hurts…

3. Safe Search On/Off

– During a night of complete and utter shenanigans, it was my dear friend that night that brought to my attention that my “safe search” was still turned on when I was searching through Google images. (Don’t ask me what I was looking for—it’s not for virgin ears or for the sweet and humble). Anyways, what a whole new world that has been brought to my eyes since I’ve turned the “safe search” off on Google images. Now I can search for whatever obscene, vile, and unimaginably inhumane idea that could possibly be conceived in your shameless minds. Think what you think, but don’t judge. I know you do it too.

Can you guess what this is??

4. Street View on Google Maps

That’s my front door!! Don’t worry stalkers, no address included. Guess you’ll have to come and find me on your own. Thanks Google—now I can get real looking pictures of people’s homes I wish to keep closer tabs on, like what color their front door is and what their neighborhood looks like. I am graced with a poop-brown colored door, just in case you really wanted to know because the picture above just doesn’t do it justice. I think butthole brown sounds better… Unfortunately these “snapshot” photos of your lovely abode aren’t in real time, so no, I no longer have potted plants in front of the apartment, and the tree is now bare, sadly : (  Maybe Google will work on this idea next so I have a more accurate reflection of what your place really looks like…sleep with one eye open.

5. Its Sheer Omniscience

                – You can Google anything. By default, would you even think twice about using another search engine? Do you even know any other search engines? The word “Google” has even become a word itself rather than just a name, and can be used in the form of a verb—“What’s the population of New York?” “I don’t know, why don’t you just Google it?” You can Google anything from the most common sexual position to what those little plastic tips on your shoelaces are called. (Go ahead, Google it!) Ladies, you can even find out how and why your vagina can fall out, if you’re looking for things to look forward to. If you want, you can find the next Friday the 13^th occurrence, or amuse yourself reading dirty limericks. Whatever tickles your fancy, Google’s got answers. Google knows all, it has no limits.

6. Endless Services and Functions

Google offers a ridiculous amount of services and fun things. Here’s a laundry list of ‘em:

-G-Mail

-Android phone operating systems

-Translations

-Books

-G-Chat

-Google Docs

-Google Groups

-Google Chrome

-Google Desktop

-iGoogle

-Cell phone apps

-of course, a search engine

-and tons of other cool awesome stuff

7. It’s Awesome.