The Graduate Baruchian

After a short hiatus for the Baruchian over winter break, I would like to take this opportunity to touch upon the more important issues that arose this past January. Since we departed the halls of Baruch, the world has been in an uproar. From Fox news to the New York Times there has been one headline at the forefront of everyone’s mind: The Zodiac Has Changed! What are the ramifications of such a colossal error in a system where so many people believe our destinies and identities are deeply rooted? Well fear not my fellow Baruchians, for I am here to quell your fears.

So what happened? It all started with Parke Kunkle, an astronomer, telling reporters at the Minneapolis Star-Tribune that the earth’s relation to the sun has changed since the Babylonians first created the Zodiac. To be clear, this was said by an astronomer (a scientist who studies celestial bodies such as planets, stars and galaxies), not an astrologist (someone who predicts the future by the positions of the planets and sun and Moon). Soon enough the entire world went nuts. The zodiac is a month off and all of a sudden we have a 13th sign? Ophiu-whatever is doesn’t even sound real. I’ve spent 23 years as a Taurus and all of a sudden they want me to be an Aries? Before I throw away my bulls for rams, my stubborn Taurus butt is going to investigate.

As it turns out there are two zodiacs, go figure. The sidereal zodiac follows the constellations and also includes the 13th sign, Ophiuchus, is mostly followed in the East. If this is the zodiac you follow, then feel free to begin your identity crisis. However, we live in the west and follow the tropical zodiac – which is fixed to the seasons. There is no 13th sign and we maintain our current status. So fear not, for we are just falling victim to a case of media frenzy.

Despite the obvious debunking of this crazy theory, does the world seriously believe that your personality is going to change because your zodiac has? You’re still the same schmuck you’ve always been. So carry on lads and lasses. Continue to be the fantastic individuals you are. As for you conspiracy theorists out there I say beware. You mess with the bull, you get the horns.